The obvious choice for me to begin this November 2015 writing/photo challenge, however, is my mom. November 2, 2015, marked the one year anniversary of her passing. We honored her memory in ways I thought would be appropriate and meaningful with balloons, a rose placed on her grave, and cake to name a few. But the sharing of our special recollections were by far the most significant.
Describing my mom using the adjectives caring, kind, and compassionate just don't seem powerful enough somehow. She was so much more. She took compassionate to the next level. She was genuine in how she showed concern and made each person she got to know believe they were the most special and loved person on the planet. Her caring spilled over into a whole ministry she intentionally and deliberately created and maintained. Through cards, letters, Facebook messages, and phone calls, she encouraged and built up everyone she encountered. She made the world around her a better place kindly lifting up and inspiring everyone to be better than their best. Even through her own physical frustrations and worries, she unceasingly prayed for all she knew and continued her countenance to anyone that needed it.
Perhaps for me, I am most grateful for the fact that Mom never tried to make me be anything other than who I already was. That somehow doesn't really make sense to verbalize it like that. But, her unconditional love and nurturing let me know she was proud of me for me. I didn't have to get better grades, or go out for any other extracurricular activities, or achieve any higher status. I didn't have to be someone I didn't want to be to be liked. I didn't have to lose any weight or gain any weight. Wearing makeup or donning a particular color or style of clothing was not going to change the way she saw me. I am so thankful for her support and inspiration of just being me.
I guess that is one of the many things I miss about her. Of course, I miss the sound of her voice, her laugh, and the gentle way she coaxed conversation with me when I was upset. I long to see her smile and the way her eyes pierced through to my soul. But honestly, I miss the way she made me feel about myself--that I am enough just the way I am. No one else can seem to do that. I could tell my mom anything and everything, and frequently did. Her absence has left a huge void--a mom-sized hole--that no one else is capable of filling. Mom taught me so much...except for how to get along without her.
I am eternally grateful for the years I had with her. The example she set and the joy she radiated were contagious, but also hard to live up to. I so admire her fortitude, but so often fall short when it comes to serving others in my own life. There are so many people missing her. I always think I must miss her the most. But the lives she touched are too numerous to count, and I know many miss her as much if not more than me. I know it is not a competition, but if it were, I would rank in the top five I am sure.
Mom's father (my grandpa) shared many of the same qualities, and I know she mirrored a lot of his mannerisms. I may never know how to inspire the way they both did, but I will strive to feel Mom's presence and maintain the love in my heart that I felt while she walked this earth.
Thank you, God, for my Mom...a gift I will treasure until my dying day.
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